a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
