Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
