Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
