we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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