I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
