i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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