I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
