i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hippo gnu deer
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
