he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
