no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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