Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
