ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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