i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize