we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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