I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
