So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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