Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
