so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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