Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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