no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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