Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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