I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
