operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
