I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
