i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
