I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
