Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
