Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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