filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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