Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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