No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
