he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
