he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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