This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
