And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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