Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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