Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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