Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
