Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
