i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
