u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
