I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
