i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
