im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
