New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
