he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
