my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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