4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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