What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Drake has all the answers
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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