I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
