So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
