Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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