i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
