Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
