Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
being pregnant is like rehab
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
