I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
