Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
