i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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