We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
