and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
