In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize