I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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