There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
