Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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