I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
