My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
