Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
vagina is talking i cant
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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