Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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