I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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