A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Buhtt sex?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You ruined the universe
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
