Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
