I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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