I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
